before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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