my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
