I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got inside last night via doggy door
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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