ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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