Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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