I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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