Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
