I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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