At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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