I CAN MOONWALK!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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