No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
