i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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