His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
