Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
