Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
