Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
