Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
