this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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