Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
