Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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