we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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