I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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