New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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