Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
birth control should be required to get into college
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
