There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
