similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
