it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
