Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
