i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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