Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
