we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
