Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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