So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
