atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Come on in and take your pants off
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