You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize