we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
