No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize