Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
