I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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