Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
