Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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