I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
