He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
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I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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