also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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