My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
