my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
