you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
