I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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