Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
