How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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