is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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