I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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