dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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