my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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