My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
