currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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