So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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