Kiss
Puke
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
