They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
