Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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