I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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